View more at www.foreverthenovel.com
Does money buy love?
That is a question that has been pondered upon throughout generations and is vastly debatable. A subject that many despise and have strong opinions about, always sternly responded to with either a “Yes” or “No” and leaving no solution or remedy that would allow a possible ‘Maybe”. Each time answered without hesitation and there is absolutely no middle ground for discussion when this question is presented. Notable are the conflicting conclusions, which are expressed with sincere certainty from opposite sides of the field when it is asked. Strong beliefs are firmly conveyed on the subject either way and impose an answer that may possibly represent that person’s moral values. A question that has neither a definite or proper reply, good or bad, yes or no, either direction has a double-edged sword attached to it.
An age old question with only two possible answers, but those two simple responses are reached through hundreds of different viewpoints, yet either answer stirs an immediate and emotion filled need to justify it based on the life experience and morals of those being quizzed. Every individual has a theory and a warranted reason for their own reply. The majority of people respond with a “No” but that is a loose answer because the reality for some (who are looked upon as shallow) is that money will actually buy love. But that isn’t “true love’ and it doesn’t mean they are “in love” and in those situations neither party really wins.
Money can buy temporary happiness for most…sad but true. Most times the desire for love and this money-induced-happiness can cloud thoughts and emotions, in turn making it feel like you’re in love. True love cannot be quantified or materialized.
Many would and have given up everything for love while others would firmly attest that an overabundance of money could bring them anything they desire, including love; but is that really the case? Can love truly be bought? True love is meant to be unconditional therefore the mere act of ‘buying’ it erases the base concept.
It seems the fast paced world of today looks upon love as being unimportant. Some need love to live, while others look upon love as being disposable, temporary and easily replaced. They have created their own gloomy existence by never yearning for or knowing the power of true love. Too many things are easily discarded in our current society and sadly; relationships have fallen into the trap. There are many who feel that a sufficient enough amount of money can buy love but in truth they are merely renting the illusion of love. True love cannot be bought; it must be given freely and unconditionally.
A simpler way of looking at what is taking place around us is that the majority of the human race is seeking instant gratification; settling for a false love and being content with short-term happiness through temporary monetary gain. In reality, that will buy a person security, but that safe feeling will eventually turn to emptiness of the heart, leaving that person wanting and craving a true love that they may have passed up or sacrificed for money.
Money can and does buy the physical act of ‘love’, but not the emotion that one embraces with all five senses, nor the heart, mind and soul. In true matters of the heart, money plays no part. If it does, is it not then a love of money?
So many people are guilty of worshipping wealth and are damned by committing the deadly sin, “Greed”. A deeper analysis shows this also links these individuals to performing two of the other seven deadly sins that go hand in hand with “Greed” which are “Lust and Pride”, all the while stressing to others that they are in fact ‘Good People’, a lie that they have convinced themselves of and strive to make those around them believe. Sadly, these individuals will end up dying miserable, lonely and alone.
What I believed as the cause Kristina and I were forced apart is what made this question arise within me. I needed to seek out the true answer because I refused to accept that Kristina would allow the desire for wealth to supersede the truly deep love we have for each other. Getting by and working together until the recession was over should have been enough to keep us together. My own morals and beliefs have always led me to believe that you stand by each other’s side, no matter what, when you are in love. A prime example of the importance of the marriage vows, ‘in sickness and health, for richer or poorer, until death do you part.” The vows that we have all heard a million times and for me, were just words until I realized the true importance and interpretation behind them.
My own encounters have presented me with examples and answers to the question on both ends of the scale. Here is a common example that most people have seen or commented on when you ask, “Does money buy love?” You see an elderly, balding and overweight man driving a brand new, eccentrically acquired high dollar boat or car, the obvious and only reason for owning such an object is for a show of wealth, which is what many refer to as a “Penis Extension”. A penis extension is an overly expensive material object for them to flaunt in order to compensate for the lack of something within themselves. Used as a cover up for the lack of personality, looks, morals or the inability to give their heart to a single soul. Sitting next to this man is a beautiful young, cover model looking woman, witnessing this one could assume that, yes, money can buy love. The first thing that usually pops into most people’s mind is, “Gold Digger”. The term “Gold Digger” is used in reference to a woman whose love can in fact be temporarily purchased. He will in fact never own her heart and is only renting it because the Gold Digger is there for one reason and one reason only, “Money”. In his mind, he was able to momentarily buy love, but the Gold Digger is nothing more than an actress and a prostitute. Eventually he will get tired, bored and resentful of her, knowing the only reason she is with him is due to his money. He will eventually cheat or simply move onto the next woman impressed by his wealth, that is a sure bet. I’m sorry if I offend any of you lovely woman reading this that may be in a relationship with an older wealthy gentleman but the harsh ugly truth does hurt with the ferocity of a scorpion’s sting.
Kristina was moving back home with me and Bella graciously stepped away informing me that she would move on with her life, leaving us alone, even though it hurt her to do so, as to allow Kristina and I the chance to rekindle our love without any interference that may hinder the possibility of us getting back the intense love we once had. “I’m not that psycho girl,” explained Bella, “I’ve seen so much pain in your eyes for so long, all I want is for you to be happy again.”
Days after Kristina moved back in, Bella walked into my shop while I was having a conversation with a potential customer, she sat a few of my things that had gotten mixed in with hers on my desk, touched my arm and said, “Hey you.” and step away to leave. Everyone in my office could feel the tension in the air while Bella was there. Not all of that uneasiness was due to Bella and I not saying anything to each other, there was much more than I was unaware of and would soon lead to answering part of my question.
I find it amusing as I write this memoir how and when certain events occurred, like pieces of a puzzle fitting properly in place. I’ve even remarked that, “Writers get paid lots of money to make this shit up and yet this has all happened to me in real life situations.”
I landed the job that I was discussing when Bella came into my shop. The added tension in the air was due to an earlier encounter between her and my potentially new customer. She had stopped at a café “Red Onion” for breakfast that morning. As she was leaving, a group of men got her attention and called her over to their table. Bella always being polite and friendly engaged in conversation with them. She was invited over to Jesse’s (the leader of the group) house for a party that weekend which Bella declined and left the building. Jesse had made it clear that he was interested in Bella and wanted to see her again. Jesse was also the same person who would end up in my shop minutes before Bella had dropped my things off. Not much was said between them at my shop with the exception of comments by Jesse as, “Didn’t I just see you at Red Onion?” “Are you following me,” he said with a smirk.
That night, Bella, Jesse and his crew crossed paths again at a local nightclub. Jesse was polite and charming to Bella and once again tried to convince her to follow him back to his house. Bella declined the invitation once more. Jesse tried to use his wealth as a way to impress Bella, showing her pictures of his Ferrari and Off Shore boats. Many efforts were made to serve Bella drinks in hopes of getting her drunk. She does not drink alcohol and rejected these attempts, which are a typical ploy by “Players” to get the woman intoxicated and try to impress them with displays of wealth, in hopes that it will lead to sex. These are the men that have nothing to offer a woman whose heart and desire crave real love. They are unable to make long-term commitments and are hampered by the lack of the heart and soul that truly attracts a woman yearning to find a connection with someone to love them and that they can love back equally. Shallow with a damned soul, these men truly believe love can be bought. Superficial and heartless is the woman that can be actually be rented.
The question of her involvement with me surfaced. Bella knew I had gotten the job working on Jesse’s boat and thought it best for everyone all around to just reply, “I baby-sit his daughter from time to time. We have a simple friendship and nothing more.” He was fishing to see if we had a deeper relationship that would lead to Bella informing me of his intentions.
Jesse began making comments that insinuated he wanted to have sex with Bella, “I want to tuck you in and make you breakfast in the morning.” By this time Bella found out that Jesse had a wife and children, information that he offered up freely. Bella replied, “I’m flattered, but I don’t sleep with married men. You have a good time now, I’m going home.” Men like this don’t like to be shot down; it bruises their ego, making it even more of a challenge that they feel a need to conquer.
I was unable to work on Jesse’s boat at my shop due to it being too wide to fit through the doors and it would need to be done in the garage at his house. Jesse lived in California and only came out towards the end of the week. One of his helpers would let me in daily and stay most of the time I was there working. Immediately I could tell they were concerned with my involvement with Bella and if she had told me anything about them. Within minutes I was asked how I knew her and I responded with, “We are just friends. I have a girlfriend that I’m very much in love with and we are working on getting back together.” I knew of Jesse’ advances on trying to get Bella to have sex with him and I could tell they had some concern of what I might possibly have knowledge of. Jesse and I had talked many times on the phone and became friendly with each other. I found it odd but quickly understood why he had very little to say and avoided engaging into conversation with me when he came out on Thursday afternoon. This visit had his wife and children with him. His wife is very beautiful and soft spoken. I could tell that he wanted me to have no contact with her and I knew that this was because he was still unsure of what I knew.
For the next few weeks I was periodically asked about Bella and offered up nothing more than she was just an acquaintance. Eventually I earned their trust and they began to verbally open up to me. Because of what I knew and kept that knowledge hidden they started to talk more freely with me. I felt as if I had actually infiltrated their devious and unfaithful little circle. All of them were married and on the weekends that the wives didn’t come out it was playtime for the boys, looking for one-night stands and always flaunting the money as a way to attract women. Another question arose from this, “Are there truly that many women out there that will sacrifice all hopes of finding true love for money and being content to having temporary security by an unfaithful womanizing spouse, a relationship knowingly to be doomed from the start and will ultimately end in ruin?
Jesse’s assistant really opened up and offered information to me in a short time. He began telling me stories of their infidelity. I asked if he had ever been caught and was told yes on a few occasions. They laughed that when he did get busted, it would cost Jesse in the way of having to buy his wife a new Bentley to keep her at bay, in turn buying her forgiveness.
Jesse himself began telling me stories and laughing about what he would do not to get caught. He thought it was funny that he would have to throw out all the shampoo and conditioner bottles in the shower because he wasn’t sure if they belonged to his wife or whatever woman he had an affair with.
So, looking at all the facts here, Jesse is constantly unfaithful to his wife and she is well aware of it. Yet, she stays married to him, which makes one believe she does so because of his wealth. Did Jesse actually succeed in buying her love or did he just purchase her companionship? For the short period of time I was around them, if I were asked if his wife seemed as if she would be affected if Jesse disappeared tomorrow, I would most certainly have to say, “No”. This case proves that money cannot buy true, faithful and unconditional love.
Recently, a new business associate of mine and his wife shared their story of true love with me. A story parallel with Kristina and I, although Gene and Heathers was one where true love actually did prevail.
Heather and Gene had met in their teens and had a passionate love affair with each other. Circumstances and goals had them part ways and led them on different life paths. Both had married other people and Heather even had children. The love and affection they had for each other never disappeared, buried deep in their hearts resided a hidden longing, a void that could not be filled and an ache that constantly gnawed at them. Hiding in the shadows they continued to keep tabs on each other throughout the years. Periodically, Heather would send letters and pictures to Gene’s mother keeping communication open.
Twenty years later, Heather came to realize that the only way to extinguish the empty feeling in her heart, resided in the happiness and true love that only Gene could give her, a love that she herself could never let go of. She contacted Gene’s mother wanting to know of his whereabouts and if he was unattached. Ecstatic to find out he was, Heather contacted Gene and immediately the love for each other rekindled and blossomed into something spectacular.
A mirror image of Kristina and I, Heather comes from a very wealthy family and will inherit a substantial amount of money. Gene is a small business owner who was suffering from the economic crisis. Knowing of this, Heather’s family disapproved of Gene and Heather’s relationship. They proved to be more concerned about her security and wanted her to marry for wealth rather than true love and soul wrenching happiness.
As absurd as this may sound, it doesn’t seem possible to have the best of both worlds. Not that wealthy people are incapable of love, but there will always be the question in the back of their mind if that person truly loves them for themselves or the money in their bank account. There are those rare cases of love and wealth coexisting, but in most instances couples are more likely to have a better chance if wealth is achieved together rather than walking into a relationship where on has already accomplished it. Driven by obtaining great wealth at an early age has the tendency to change a person’s psyche and moral makeup, making them incapable of offering their complete heart and never truly understanding what unconditional love really is.
Heather received an enormous amount of pressure and disapproval from her family who were trying to sway her decision to pursue a life and future with Gene. She was threatened to have her inheritance taken from her and would be cut off from any financial assistance. Her love for Gene was so overwhelmingly strong; she chose his love over the money.
Heather moved in with Gene and they were married shortly after. Standing firm on their threat, Heathers family cut her off financially; even her health insurance that was paid by her father was cancelled.
Heather asked about my relationship with Kristina one evening and we compared the resemblances between our two love affairs. Gene was a victim of the economy, as was I and it was a daily struggle to keep our homes and businesses afloat. The question came up, “Does money buy love?” Heather replied, “No!” and explained to me that she gave up everything for her and Gene’s love. Financially, they are under a great deal of pressure, like everyone else at this time, but she commented, “When you are in love, you stick together. I will stand by my husband’s side no matter what. Gene is everything to me and no amount of money is worth his love. Together we will find a way and endure this as one. I feel that by us surviving the strain and stress will make our relationship even stronger. We will make it back financially and so will you Steven, but Kristina should have stayed by your side if she loved you as much as she claimed. There is a lot to be said that you are even still in business when so many have collapsed. You are one of the last men standing in your field and when it comes back around, you will be on top again. Hanging in there with you would have been the right choice and would have been to her benefit. She would have had the best of both worlds.”
I asked Heather if she was happy. “Yes I am,” she replied with a smile. “I’ve never been happier. Although, my family still disapproves, I still stand firm that I made the right choice in listening to my heart for the love of my husband rather than the sacrificing him for the money. It’s hard right now, but I’ve waited my entire life for him and I will let nothing take him away from me.”
Heather and Gene’s story was so heartwarming and made me wish Kristina’s love for me would have been strong enough to overcome the need for her Grandmothers security and had me wishing that she would have herself been willing to sacrifice anything for our love.
Still, the question lingers. I know if I had not been a victim of the bad economy, Kristina would have stayed and loved me. She knows how much I truly love her and I know in my heart that she loved me as well, but once again, I have to ask, “Does money buy love?” I couldn’t buy her love and she abandoned our love due to a threat of losing her inheritance. The looming fear of hard times because of an economy failing, had her run, not willing to wait it out and fight it together. In Heather and Gene’s case, money was unable to detour true love and they indeed sacrificed wealth for love.
Wanting more opinions on whether money can buy love, I posted the question on the Internet looking for more input.
“If you were hopelessly in love with someone and you knew in your heart that person loved you equally, would you let anything or anyone interfere with your love, including money and family?”
“Give up everything for them! Without a doubt! If you are even lucky enough to find someone who is so dedicated and in love as what I’ve read here, obviously Steven you love her with all your heart and are committed for life to her, she should never let you go and cherish the love you have. Most people never even get one chance at a love this powerful. Why on earth would anyone ever chance loosing it, for anything!” – Pamela
“Yes, and I did. My family is very wealthy and disagreed with me wanting to move to another state to be with my boyfriend. I was totally cut off financially. I married my husband shortly after and I’m happier and in love more than I ever imagined. We’ve struggled because of the economy and his business going up and down, but it is well worth it. That’s love!” – Susan
Money can never buy happiness or love. The Beatles said it best with “I don’t care too much for money, money can’t buy me love.” There are just some things that you can’t buy, mainly happiness, health and love. Having money can bring you some pleasure, but when your life ends money means nothing. You can’t buy genuine heartfelt love since that’s something that has to come from within. Wouldn’t it be so much better to live a life filled with love and happiness? You can’t make someone really love you, and no amount of money can ever change that.
Tiffany commented with, “First of all, the finding someone to be considered as a soul mate is pretty much nonexistent in one’s lifetime. If God was to bless me as to be so fortunate to finally find that ‘special’ of love, my family and friends would understand, support and be happy for both of us no matter what. As for money, why is that even an equation in the name of “true love”? Pretty “shallow” question to even think or ask. The answer is, nothing would keep me from him. Not even money. I would never leave his side.”
Disillusioned individuals believe the hype that money can buy happiness and love for them. But this is a self-destructive idea indeed because being unaware of the lie these people will continue to spend money to buy their happiness and buy love from others. Buy if they just look at what they are doing they will see that they are stuck in an endless cycle where they spend money for temporary happiness and love which leaves them unfulfilled as soon as they have been satisfied.
Then there are those just looking for someone to take care of them, putting their love up for sale. “Sloth”, another deadly sin being exorcised. “Sloth” is the fifth of the Seven Deadly Sins and kills the sanctifying grace in the sinner’s soul. “Sloth”, is the failure to utilize one’s talents and gifts and has a general display of laziness and indifference. Sloth is the desire for an easy life, not willing to sacrifice or work to better one’s self. They are selfish and self-centered with a blatant disregard for the feelings, health and well being of those around them. Sloth is not considering making a sacrifice for someone else, not paying attention to the needs of the others.
These people have no heart or soul and will end up being judged in the eyes of God. If you encounter a “Slothy” person take notice how they justify their every action. They are truly convinced and believe they are a good person. Disillusioned, they think that what they do is for the best (for themselves), without regard for the immanent damage they will do to everyone around them. They will lie constantly and believe in those lies, using them to attract an unsuspecting lover. Concealing their true intentions and extremely manipulative, they use love as a tool for an effortless life. This is one of the most dangerous people to be caught in a relationship with. Similar to the Gold Digger, but capable of sucking the life out of their mate, bringing them down to their level before moving on, leaving that person for dead. They will attempt to sell love, but that love will only last as long as they can continue to make their lies believable.
Does money buy love? If a person thinks that money is going to buy them happiness or love, then they are already lost. Love is the one commodity that cannot be bought or sold. It is the most valuable and desirable of possessions, and yet to give love a price undermines its true value and immediately renders it worthless. Having the means to purchase whatever and whoever you want takes away your ability to create lasting relationships. It strips your value as a person, as a human and replaces it with monetary value. Love and Money, a true recipe for disaster. If you fall in love with someone because they can buy you expensive gifts or take you to a fancy places, then you do not love that person, you love what they have and can offer, soon to follow will come, “What have you done for me lately?” If you only love the money then you have no ideal what true love is. Love based on money is nothing but a broken heart in the making. Sooner or later the person will figure out they are being used. Then they will see them for what they truly are. Money will not make a person happy; it will never buy true friends or find a true love. Money can make a person think they are happy but when it’s gone they will end up alone. Isn’t it better to be broke and happy rather than to be rich and lonely?
It’s plain to see that money will not in fact buy true love, yet I still question Kristina’s motives and reasoning for the decisions she made. I know she loves me with all her heart, but wasn’t strong enough to struggle and work with me as we dug out of the bad recession. She chose to run back to her Grandmother for financial security and this wasn’t the first time she had done so. I believe in love and the power it has, so for me I became confused as to why she left and would so willingly give up such a potent love. Was it fear, lack of confidence or reluctance to struggle for something fantastic? What we were going through was no different than what the entire country was experiencing during this economic crisis. Both of us miserable without the other, separately struggling and three hundred miles apart, would it not have been for the best to struggle together and not give up the precious loving moments that are now lost forever? It is not better to be broke and happy than to be rich and lonely? Happy people tended to become richer and are more likely to find love in a steady relationship – rather than the other way around. Love for a soul mate most certainly cannot be bought with money, so if it is found, why risk losing it forever?
My dear friend Denise, who had been there for me when I fell apart and who herself could not understand Kristina’s reason for running commented, “To believe in your loved one, to have faith and trust in them, it has to returned in the equal amounts, that is the proof of love. Too many people are caught up in the materialistic times we live in. I’d rather have a poor man and have him know how much I love him rather than a rich man and have to compete with wealth.
The proof of love is in the everyday living. Proof is staying when leaving is easier.”
In conclusion, money does in fact play a key role in most of today’s love relationships. Someone can love you for your money, but they may never love you for you. I’ve interviewed so many people on this subject and the question has branched out in countless directions, bringing into play so many variations of the question and so many different, yet interesting scenarios. My next book will most likely be an analysis of the topic itself “Does Money Buy Love?”
Tags: Chapter from Forever "Desperate Love"